It is the definitive list you never knew you needed.

On the field, second and third-stringers are fighting for their NFL futures in the preseason, while starters shake off the cobwebs and pray they avoid injury.

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Will Rowdy make noise in our rankings?[/caption]

Off it, fanbases are battling each other to produce the hottest takes and taking way-to-early victory laps over draft picks.

Amid the drama, there are 28 mascots, who truly are a breed of their own.

talkSPORT has crunched the numbers and ranked each and every one by how deadly they would be in a fight.

Why don’t the Chargers, Jets, Packers, and Giants have a mascot?

First off in are rankings are the four teams who didn’t bother to field an entry.

As could be about to happen during the season, the New York Jets and Giants have put in a lacklustre performance.

It is up to team owners whether or not to trot out a mascot and in the case of the Giants, it has been suggested that the Mara family want to focus on football not entertainment.

Unfortunately, there was not much of either in 2024 with Malik Nabers the sole bright point for the 3-14 G-Men.

The Los Angeles Chargers and Green Bay Packers do boast playoff-worthy rosters, so can at least justify wanting not to distract fans from events on the field.

So, without further ado, here are the 28 NFL mascots ranked from zeros to heroes.

28. Brownie the Elf (Cleveland Browns)

Sorry, Browns fans. I’m just not that afraid of being out on the Naughty List.

Chomps and Swagger may have finished higher, but we’re sticking to one entry per team.

27. T. D. (Miami Dolphins)

It’s a dolphin, it’s cute, but we’re going to focus on land battles.

A clear winner should do an underwater version.

26. Raider Rusher (Las Vegas Raiders)

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Those arms aren’t doing any damage[/caption]

New head coach Pete Carroll will restore the Raiders’ reputation as a tough opponent in the trenches.

But off the field, their mascot is about as intimidating as Alan from The Hangover.

25. Pat Patriot (New England Patriots)

Without a weapon to keep enemies at bay, the head is just too easy a target.

24. Rowdy (Dallas Cowboys)

He looks like a real straight-shooter but I’m getting Woody from Toy Story vibes.

23. Viktor (Minnesota Vikings)

The Norsemen earned a fearsome reputation raiding the British Isles for centuries and even guarded Byzantine emperors in Constantinople (modern-day Istanbul).

Viktor does have a pointy hat but it looks too soft to do damage.

22. Major Tuddy (Washington Commanders)

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The helmet bumps the major up a few spots[/caption]

Sorry Commanders fans, this hog is getting roasted.

21. Sourdough Sam (San Francisco 49ers)

He has a pickaxe, but he looks too kind to use it.

20. Big Red (Arizona Cardinals)

Cardinals are just not that intimidating.

19. Jaxson de Vile (Jacksonville Jaguars)

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Jaxson just looks like he wants to have a good time[/caption]

The acrobatic entrances are amazing, but this big cat looks more prepared for Spring Break than war.

18. T-Rac (Tennessee Titans)

Probably great at trash-talking, unfortunately raccoons can’t compete with some of the animals below.

17 . Swoop Secondary (Seahawks)

The giant human-sized birds are getting more scary.

16. Steely McBeam (Pittsburgh Steelers)

The penultimate human entrant. The hard hat is a solid defense strategy, but that steel beam looks hard to wield in combat.

15. Freddie Falcon (Atlanta Falcons)

The eyes scare me, if I’m honest.

14. Gumbo (New Orleans Saints)

Man’s best friend, but has the tools to fight if cornered.

13. Blue (Indianapolis Colts)

Watch the video of him taking out fourth graders in a half-time exhibition. Enough said.

12. Captain Fear (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Our final human entrant. He has a sword and a scary name.

11. Thunder II (Denver Broncos)

It’s an actual horse. More built for speed, the hooves can still be deadly.

10. Swoop (Philadelphia Eagles)

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That beak could do some damage[/caption]

A giant Eagle straight out of a Lord of the Rings film.

9. Sir Purr (Carolina Panthers)

Not the scariest panther you will ever come across but has enough about him to warrant caution.

8. K.C. Wolf (Kansas City Chiefs)

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KC Wolf looks in offseason shape[/caption]

Wolves are not to be trifled with.

7. Who Dey (Cincinnati Bengals)

Just like the franchise — a potent attack, but sketchy on defense.

6. Roary (Detroit Lions)

King of the jungle and NFC North.

5. Staley Da Bear (Chicago Bears)

A seven-foot bear with fierce eyes. Enough to crack the top five.

4. Toro (Houston Texans)

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There are two very pointy reasons to be afraid of Toro[/caption]

You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

3. Rampage (Los Angeles Rams)

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Rams are all brute strength[/caption]

Brute force. Would make an unbelievable running back.

2. Poe (Baltimore Ravens)

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This image will haunt my dreams[/caption]

A human-sized raven with a three-foot beak named after one of the most terrifying horror writers of all time. Equipped for physical and psychological warfare.

1. Billy Buffalo (Buffalo Bills)

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The Bills’ franchise quarterback and mascot are both almost impossible to take down[/caption]

Find an eight-foot Buffalo and get on its bad side. If you live to tell the tale, we can argue about this ranking. (Disclaimer, please don’t do this)

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